I mowed my lawn today. For the first time all year. My neighbors are disappointed that I don’t have a better lawn. When I first moved into this house five years ago, they introduced themselves to me. They actually seemed happy to have me for a neighbor. However, I made the mistake of telling them that I was Mexican. It was a mistake because they immediately assumed that I would have a perfectly manicured, weed-free lawn. In fact, they immediately started asking me for tips on improving their own lawn and garden. I told them that I didn’t know anything about landscaping, but they didn’t believe me. I purposely let my lawn fill with weeds just shatter their image of Mexicans as landscapers.

So every year since then, I make it a point not to mow my lawn until Memorial Day weekend. They give me dirty looks until I mow my lawn. I remember they once lent me their spreader so I could put weed killer on my lawn, which I did. However, then they started giving me even more tips on lawn care, so I mowed my lawn less frequently then. I’m sorry, but this is a sticking point with me. I don’t have to live up to my neighbor’s expectations. Soon, they’ll approach me while I’m mowing my lawn and make some suggestions on how I can improve my property. I just hate how they do it, though. Usually, the wife sneaks up behind me while emptying the lawn clippings into the garbage can. And she scares the hell out of me! Because I’m usually all alone in my backyard. I’m not sure how she has managed to sneak up on me so many times. I can’t wait until she approaches me this year. She’ll probably sneak up on me again. But this time, I’ll be the one to shock her when I tell her that I’m selling my house and moving to Mexico.

Look at all those weeds!