Tag: writing

F.M. & A.M.


George Carlin / F.M. & A.M. (1972)

I love standup comedy and standup comedians. One of my all-time favorites is George Carlin. I saw him on TV many times as a pre-teen and a teenager. When I was in high school, I bought his F.M. & A.M. album. I listened to it so many times that the sound quality was compromised. When my friends would visit, I would play it for them. And, when I visited friends, I would take the album to their home so we could listen to it. We never tired of listening to it. In fact, we could recite many of his comedy bits from memory.

One day, as we were listening to the album, my friend Bill asked to see the album cover. He started reading from the back of the album. I had never noticed the text that he was reading before. Around the picture of George Carlin on the back cover, in tiny little text, were the sayings that Bill was reading. We laughed at these sayings as he read them. They were a surprise bonus to the album. Why had I never noticed them before?

Well, a few months ago, a Facebook friend of mine bought this album at a vintage record store. Suddenly, I remembered the sayings on the back of Carlin’s album. No one I knew had ever mentioned those sayings before. Suddenly, I had this urge to read those sayings again. I had looked for a picture of the back album cover over the years so I could read them again. Unsuccessfully.

I asked my friend Jim if he happened to have this album. He has quite a collection of comedy albums. In fact, when he went to college, he introduced me to Bob Newhart and other comics I had never heard of. Anyway, Jim did not have this album in his collection. He had listened to this album with me several times, at my house and his. But he did find it listed on eBaya and he sent me the link. I was not interested in buying the vinyl LP again. In fact, ever since I got rid of my vinyl collection of albums, I have not had the urge to buy more vinyl LPs, even though they are now trending.

Well, I copied down the sayings on the back album cover and I have reprinted them here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

  • Nixon is soft on fascism.
  • The gross national product is gross.
  • Elephantiasis does not improve the memory.
  • Mothers’ milk lead to heroin.
  • If you break a crumb in half, you have two crumbs.
  • When stepping on the brake, your life is in your foot’s hands.
  • The U.S. Plywood building is made of steel and stone.
  • There are no two dandruff flakes alike.
  • Beer nuts is the official disease of Milwaukee.
  • Everyone over 110 is out of work.
  • Rose Kennedy wears a natural.
  • The Vatican police speak Pig Latin.
  • Recycle confetti.
  • No two ways about it, there are two sides to every story.
  • Edward Cayce was not a medium. He was an extra-large.
  • Give a Shriner a shiner.
  • Ralph Nader passes on the right.
  • The Vietnam War is alive and well and living in Laos.
  • An octoroon is an eight-sided cookie.
  • It takes two dwarves to mail a letter.
  • A car raising contest is a jack-off.
  • Hire the handicapped, but don’t let them take your rectal temperature.
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DDR

My 401K is now a 301K


My Facebook Post

I was very worried about the stock market going down, so I posted, “My 401K is now a 301K” on Facebook on Wednesday, March 12, 2025. The other night, on Wednesday, April 9, 2025, I heard Jimmy Kimmel tell my joke on his show. All I am saying is the I said it first.

Presently, everyone is worried about their retirement savings, so many people are worried about their investments. I’m sure I’m not the only one who had this feeling of financial discomfort.

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DDR

Eye surgery


You’re probably wondering why I’m not wearing glasses anymore. I recently had eye surgery. I have worn eyeglasses for most of my life. And now people don’t recognize me without my glasses. Lately, people have walked right past me without recognizing me. I finally understand why no one knew Clark Kent was Superman. Now I get it!

In grade school, I was nearsighted, so I had to sit in the front row so I could read the blackboard. Finally, the teacher told my parents that I had to go to an optometrist and get my eyes examined. I remember when I got my first pair of glasses. I was amazed at all the things that I couldn’t see before. I was like, “Wow! Corduroy has lines! Trees have leaves! The Chicago skyline is polluted!”

During my last eye exam, my optometrist told me that I had cataracts. He had seen them developing in my previous eye exams. He explained that with age, the lens beneath the cornea begins to cloud up, and that I would need cataract surgery to improve my vision. On a positive note, I have lived long enough to need cataract surgery.! And I have health insurance to pay for the treatment!

I watched an online video to see the procedure. Needless to say, the video simultaneously reassured me and frightened me.

At first, I was afraid to get cataract surgery. But I felt much better after meeting the ophthalmologist. During the evaluation, I was evaluating the doctor. I kept watching his hands to see if they were steady. Because he was going to perform microsurgery on my eyes. He gave me a firm handshake. Okay, so far, so good. And he wrote all his notes with a very steady hand. I could even read his handwriting. I felt much better. And he didn’t wear glasses.

Now, I have twenty-twenty vision for distance. Which is great. But now I need glasses to read.

Right after the surgery, I couldn’t read anything up close. So, I borrowed my wife’s glasses to read. They were great as long as I was in the privacy of my own home. My wife’s reading glasses are those cat lady glasses, with a cheetah pattern. They were great for reading, but then I forgot to turn off the camera during a Zoom meeting. I was really embarrassed, but I have to admit that I did look fabulous!

So, I bought these cheap reading glasses from Walgreens that I wore until I got my new prescription.

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DDR

Famous comedians I have seen in person


Yakov Smirnoff and DDR in Branson, MIssouri

Since I was in grade school, I have wanted to be a standup comedian. (Many comedians I know have told me the same thing.) So, since I was little, I have been watching comedians, mostly on TV and in the movies. When I was older and I started working, I began going to watch comedians perform in person. I enjoy watching comedians much more than I enjoy performing. But when I perform at my local comedy clubs, I get to see many comedians.

Emo Philips, Jim Harmon, and DDR in Mason City, Illiois

Here is a list of the famous comedians I have seen in person:

(in alphabetical order by last name)

• Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick
• Frank Caliendo
• John Caponera
• Bill Cosby
• Tom Dreesen
• Gallagher
• Greg Glienna
• Jay Leno
• Robert Klein
• Eddie Murphy
• Emo Philips
• Yakov Smirnov
• Judy Tenuta
• Carrot Top
• Henny Youngman

caricature of author
DDR

Happy New Year!


ddr typing
A young, aspiring David Diego Rodríguez

I’m trying to start blogging again. I used to blog all the time. Before blogging, I used to write a lot on my electric Royal typewriter. I keep getting the urge to write, but then I keep deferring it. I posted this picture of me from 1982 to inspire me to write like I used to. Let’s see if it works.

DDR