I haven’t been to a comedy club for a couple of months now, but I keep thinking of one joke in particular that I heard while I was there. You have to remember that comedy clubs are the last bastion of politically incorrect jokes. So, everything goes there. In a way, it’s very refreshing to be able to go back in time a couple of decades or so to when free speech meant exactly that.
Anyway, the joke I keep remembering makes me laugh every time I recall it. I don’t even remember the name of the comedian, but I saw him at Riddles at the open mic night. “Are there any Mexicans here?” he asked, I assumed he asked this because he was not of the Mexican persuasion. No one answered up–not even me. I wanted to say, “I’m Mexican,” but I couldn’t get the nerve to shout it out. Besides, I wanted to hear what he would say if no Mexicans were present.
After a long silent pause, he asked, “How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?” No one answered and after another long pause, he said, “One. They’re just like everyone else!” And everyone laughed, but I think I laughed the loudest.
I never actually performed at Zanies Comedy Club, but I did see a few shows there. My favorite night there was quite a surprise that I was even there in the first place. I remember I was at The Clout Club and one of the other comedians told us that Zanies was having a party the next Tuesday for all the Chicago-area comedians. All comedians were invited. I met a lot of people that night at Zanies that I had seen perform in other comedy clubs. There were also some famous and many more not so famous people there whom I don’t remember now.
My sister wanted to go, so I told her to just say that she was a comedian, too. Before she actually showed up, I met Richard Kind who went through Second City and had done some TV commercials. However, I didn’t know who he was at the time because he wasn’t actually famous yet. Richard was very surprised that I didn’t know him. I felt embarrassed not knowing who he was. Finally, he asked me, “You didn’t see my bank commercial where I’m climbing outside the window with suction cups?” I was extremely embarrassed when I told him that I had never seen his commercial because I didn’t watch much television.
When my sister finally showed up, I told her about my encounter with Richard, who was now mingling with everyone at the party. She laughed at me even though she didn’t know who Richard Kind was, either. Eventually, Richard made his way back to my sister and me. “Do you know who I am?” he asked her. “Of course, I do!” she said. “You’re Richard Kind. You did the bank commercial. You’re the guy with suction cups on the window.” “Finally!” Richard said. “Someone who knows my work!” And he was genuinely pleased that he had found someone who had seen his commercial.
Just when I was seriously considering going back to standup comedy, I was suddenly reminded of why I quit standup comedy in the first place. I remember going to a different comedy club every night and driving all over Chicagoland. I performed at the following clubs at one time or another: Comedy Womb, The Clout Club, Sally’s Stage, Who’s On First, Comedy Cottage (Rosemont and Merrillville, Indiana), Chuckles, and a few other places whose names I no longer remember. I enjoyed performing when everything went well, but dreaded those nights when I bombed. I also enjoyed the socializing with the other comedians afterwards. However, as fun and attractive as the Bohemian lifestyle was to me when I was younger, I knew I was living an unhealthy life. I had to undergo a lot of stress for just modest success. Well, eventually I found a safer, healthier job as a Chicago police officer and left the standup comedy scene behind. Of course, I occasionally feel the urge to return to the stage and perform.
So the other day, I read about a young Chicago comedian who died: Patrick Healy Brice, 29, suddenly. He was about to have his own Internet radio program. But I can still recall him as a teenager raking leaves in Mayor Daley’s yard when he still lived in Bridgeport. Since I have lived most of my life in Chicago, I often find that I am somehow connected with a lot of other people in Chicago. Just by coincidence, I used to work with Pat’s father Bernie who was a police officer and bodyguard to the mayor. When Bernie read a Chicago Sun-Times profile of me, he started talking to me about my being a comedian. Somehow he was interested in this little tidbit of information about me.
Years later, Bernie told me proudly when his son started performing standup comedy. He told me all the clubs where his son was performing. When he went to see his son perform for the first time, his son told him, “Dad, I make a lot of jokes about my dad. But they’re not about you.” When Bernie retired from the police department, his son performed at his retirement party and he was very funny. He just kept working at comedy and kept getting better all the time. It’s a sad shame, but Good night, Pat Brice.
Dr. D.’s debut at Sally’s Stage, Chicago, Illinois
Let tell you about my comedy debut. NOT! I stalled, I postponed, and I dreaded performing. Well, I actually wrote some jokes, I actually polished them, and I actually rehearsed them. However, I was not meant to perform at Open Mic night at Riddles Comedy Club this week. I honestly tried, but as fate would have it, Riddles changed their format on Thursday night to accommodate some comedians from out of town.
Last week when I went to Riddles for Open Mic, I sat in the back so I could observe. As preparation for my forthcoming comedy debut, I sat all the way up front near the stage. Just to get a feel for the stage. As you may have guessed, most of the comedians picked on me. I didn’t mind at all. Not that I usually like being the focus of attention, but this time, I actually did like being the focus of attention.
I think what I have always liked best about doing standup comedy was watching all the other comedians. You see, I love to laugh. So tonight was not a total waste of time because I got to observe again and learn. And I actually thought of some new jokes while watching the other comedians. On the other hand, I’m having second thoughts about actually going on stage and performing. Maybe I should focus more on my writing at this point. Some of the jokes that I wrote might actually come off better as something to read on the Internet.
As I was sitting in the front row during tonight’s show getting skewered by the comedians, I remembered back to a first date some twenty-something years ago. I met a certain Emily and we seemed to take a liking to each other. I really wanted to ask her out. At first, I didn’t think she would go out with me, well, because she was Irish and from Kentucky, and I was Mexican.
I finally asked her out and she said yes. Our first date was dinner followed by seeing a show at Zanies Comedy Club in Chicago. She loved comedy clubs and comedians. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind sitting in the front row with me. I told her, “I will never ask you for anything else again.” She agreed to sit in the front, and of course, we were picked on by all the comedians. I thought it was a lot of fun and Emily seemed to be enjoying the show, too.
I remember asking Emily at dinner if she knew any Rodriguezes. She said her grandmother’s last name was Rodriguez. Emily, it turns out was part Mexican, one-fourth Mexican to be exact. After the show, I took her home. And I never saw her again! I guess I never learned well about planning good first dates. But I did learn a lot about comedy and life that night.
That’s what I love about standup comedy. I learn so much about life!
Well, I did it again. Last night, I went to another comedy club. That’s two comedy clubs in two nights. I’m scoping out comedy clubs for my imminent return to the stage as a standup comedian. I went to Riddles Comedy Club in Orland Park because they have an Open Mic on Thursday nights. As I bought my ticket at the box office, I asked about going on stage for Open Mic night. Well, I was told that if I performed, I wouldn’t have to pay the $10 cover charge. I must admit that it was very tempting to take them up on that offer. How hard would it be to just go up on stage for five minutes and then not pay a cover charge? I’ve been on stage so many times before. I could have winged it if I really tried. But, no, I wanted to prepare a little more for my return to the stage. I have some jokes that I’ve been writing and polishing. I want to do my absolute best when I go up on stage again! So, I told them that I would just observe, but I promised them that I would perform next week. They tried hard to convince me to perform, though. And I was really tempted to go on stage. And it wasn’t just to save myself ten dollars, either. So now, I’m working on my act for next Thursday night.
Well, observe, I did. I had been to Riddles Comedy Club about five years earlier to see a comedy show and I really liked the club. So last night, I just sat back and enjoyed watching the comedians. You see, I really love watching comedians in action. I love to laugh even more. I think I will feel extremely comfortable there. Everyone was so considerate and understanding with the new comedians. Hopefully, they will be as merciful when I perform next Thursday.
Chicago USA 