Back in the 1980s, my brother Jerry told me about a writer’s group that met every third Tuesday in the Beverly neighborhood at 107th and Hale. So I joined the group because I really enjoyed writing, and reading my works for this group motivated me to write. I met a lot of interesting people and I always looked forward to every meeting.
One of the poets, introduced me to her sister who just by chance had married a Mexican whose last name was Navarrete, just like one of my aunts in Mexico. The poet’s sister just happened to be a commercial artist. Eventually, she drew a caricature of me for my comedian’s business card. (It’s the caricature you see below.) I remember that she was afraid to show it to me because I might think that she was making fun of me. I really loved it! It was exactly what I wanted. I was always proud of my business card.
Elizabeth-Anne Vanek was the president of the group and she was a published poet. She was the heart, soul, and muse of the group. Without her, the group would have disintegrated. I also met Marc Smith before he became famous for his poetry slams at the Green Mill. He came to many meetings and would read his latest poetry for us.
I also remember Frida who came to every meeting religiously and listened to everyone’s work patiently and then commented with objective criticism. She was a writer who didn’t actually write anything. She couldn’t write anymore. Her muse had abandoned her.
I also brought my friend Tony Trendl from the Marquette Park Track Club for a couple of meetings. I must admit that I did the most writing in my life while I belonged to this group. It was then that I started writing for The Finish Line and the Illinois Runner. However, I never published any of my short stories that I read to the group. My writing improved immensely while I was a member of the Writer’s Desk.
And in another one of those cosmic coincidences that frequently occur to me. I now live right down the block from where the Writer’s Desk used to meet!
My father always loved going to the Chicago Auto Show every year. He would go several times each year and he would always take my brothers, sister, and me the first time he went. He always managed to get free tickets either through work or some promotional event. Somehow, he always found free tickets and took us every year.
When I was older, he would go with just me so we could take our time and really look at all the cars. He loved looking at the cars and we loved collecting bags and bags full of automobile literature, pamphlets, key chains, and anything else they gave away there. My father was a mechanic at Curtiss Candy, so he loved to show off his knowledge of all things mechanical while we were at the auto show. So if they had a motor displaying the internal parts, my father would explain how the internal combustion engine worked. My brothers weren’t all that interested in his explanations, but I always tried to learn something new everytime we went to the auto show.
My father always fantasized about owning all the latest expensive sports cars. He would always insist that we sit inside the car, behind the wheel. Then, he would explain all the features of the car, as if he were a car salesman. My favorite part of the show was the celebrities who made appearances. They were so accessible to everyone. Usually all the Chicago sports teams such as the White Sox, the Bulls, the Bears, the Blackhawks, and the Cubs sent a few players to represent them. I don’t really remember exactly who specifically showed up, but I do remember that if you waited long enough after their presentation, you could walk right up to them, shake their hand, and talk to them. We would always wait to meet the celebrities, but I was too shy to actually talk to them. I was content with shaking their hand and standing close enough to listen to them talk to others. The only Chicago player I really remember meeting there was Walter Payton. I also remember meeting Jesse Owens who came every year. He was always so patient just standing there waiting for everyone who wanted to greet him.
And long after the auto show was over, we still had our bags of automotive literature to entertain us well into the summer.
Okay, as a true Chicagoan and Chicago Bears fan, I cannot contain myself anymore and I must have my say about the outcome of today’s Super Bowl. My sons asked me who I wanted to win the Super Bowl. The New England Patriots, I said without even hesitating. They were amazed because they wanted the New York Giants to win. But that’s understandable because they don’t know Chicago History.
I’ll never forget the horrendous disaster that occurred on December 2, 1985–a disaster in Chicago History that ranks right up there with the 1812 Fort Dearborn Massacre, the 1871 Chicago Fire, and the 1992 Chicago Flood! Yes, I’m talking about the Chicago Bears loss to the Miami Dolphins in what would have been the perfect romp to Super Bowl XX. Yes, the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl, but their record was slightly diminished. Their nearly perfect season was reduced to a mere 18-1 record by the Dolphins who held the record of 17-0 for the most wins in a season. Okay, so that’s why I want the New England Patriots to win tonight’s Super Bowl and go on to a perfect record of 19-0. Just so they can beat Miami’s perfect season of 1972.
Only then will I feel vindicated over that Bears’ loss to Miami, oh, so long ago, even though the wounds are still fresh in my heart! Go, Patriots!
I worked at Derby Foods, Inc., 3327 W. 47th Place, Chicago, IL 60632, for twelve years. I started working on the midnight shift two days before my eighteenth birthday, but Jessie who hired me told me to tell everyone I was eighteen so the factory wouldn’t get in trouble for violating federal child labor laws. The factory-made Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Derby Tamales. Occasionally, they put the generic “Giant” labels on the Peter Pan Peanut Butter jars that were shipped out east somewhere. Many people laughed when I told them I worked in a peanut butter factory. Now that I think back, it does sound kind of funny. Besides, how many people would admit to working in a peanut butter factory–I mean besides me. I worked there for twelve years in all, but not consecutively. I started on May 7, 1974, and worked continuously, not counting two layoffs, through May of 1978 when I went to Mexico on vacation for a month and didn’t come back to work on time from my vacation. I heard that I got fired, but I didn’t care. My mother was extremely upset because I had the dream job that she had always wanted. She couldn’t get it, so she did everything in her power for me to get it. When I returned from Mexico, I went to the unemployment office and filed a claim because I had heard that I was laid off again. Well, I started receiving unemployment insurance checks which led me to believe that I was laid off and not fired. I never actually talked directly to Jessie or anyone else from Derby Foods to find out what my actual job status was. On August 23, 1978, I enlisted into the United States Marine Corps, mainly because my unemployment benefits would soon end because I would be called back to work and I didn’t want to work at Derby Foods anymore. While I was in the Marines, my mother had talked to Jessie at Derby Foods about me getting my job back–the job I never even wanted in the first place! I soon received a letter from Derby Foods stating that I could have my job back when I was honorably discharged from the Marines. My mother called me up to congratulate me even before I received the letter, which I immediately threw away upon receiving it.
When I returned to Chicago in July of 1981 after being honorably discharged from the Marines, my mother wanted to know what I had done with the letter, so I could take it to Derby Foods and get my old job back. I told her that I couldn’t find it. I really didn’t want to work there anymore, but I didn’t want to go to college at that point in my life either. In September, my life savings from the Marine Corps had been spent in a mere two months. I didn’t have all that much money because I pretty much earned about minimum wage working for Uncle Sam. Well, I had found my own apartment near Marquette Park at 3006 W. 64th Street and I had to pay the rent somehow. My mother was upset that I wouldn’t live with her in her house, but she would go to my new apartment every day to clean, bring me used furniture, and unpack my things. I started working at Derby Foods again in September. As luck would have it, I didn’t lose any of my seniority or benefits while in the Marines because of federal laws. In fact, the fiscal year for the factory started on November 1, so I worked about three weeks and then I had to take a three-week vacation before the fiscal year ended or I would lose all that vacation time. I was kind of glad I went back to Derby Foods. Of course, before I took my vacation time, Jessie asked me if I was going to Mexico again. Everyone was worried that I wouldn’t return. I told them that I planned to stay home and read books for three whole weeks. This worried them even more because no one at Derby Foods ever read any books.
I met all kinds of people at Derby Foods, from different Chicago neighborhoods. When I first started working there, everyone treated me nicely because I was so young. They all told me to finish high school so I wouldn’t have to work there all my life like they did. It was very good advice, but I couldn’t work full-time and go to high school full-time. I told my mother that I wanted to graduate from high school, but I couldn’t study and go to work at the same time. I would get home at 7:30 a.m. from working the midnight shift and then I’d have to go to school. Most days I couldn’t stay awake in school. Eventually, I dropped out of school. But I did get my GED thanks to my first wife who was so embarrassed being married to a high school dropout. I’m glad she made me take the GED test or my life would have turned out so differently. Some of my co-workers at the factory told me they were disappointed that I didn’t graduate.
About 1982, I was laid off again for nine months. Everyone told me I should complain to Derby Foods because a certain Peter was still working and didn’t get laid off even though he had less seniority than me. Whoever made up the list of people to be laid off didn’t include my time in the Marines for my seniority, so it appeared that I had less time on the job than Peter. I actually didn’t mind being laid off for those nine months! I did a lot of reading and writing back then. My mother would call me up every day to tell me to call Derby Foods and tell them that I had more seniority than Peter. I told her that I liked being laid off. That I liked not working and getting paid for it. She just didn’t understand. I worked there until September of 1986 when the factory shifted its operations to Sylvester, Georgia, but didn’t take any employees with them. Like I would have moved to Georgia just to work for Derby Foods! Thus ended my illustrious career as a manual laborer at the peanut butter factory.
Picasso Sculpture, Daley Center, Chicago, Illinois
Today, I read the The Chicago Way by Tom McNamee in the Chicago Sun-Times in which he talks about jokes that work only in Chicago. Well, I would like to share some of those jokes with you, my fellow Chicagoans. He starts out with “Noel, Noel … So I took the bus.” I remember hearing a different version of this joke at Holy Cross School told by a nun: “Some Christmas carolers are under the El tracks downtown singing, “Noel, Noel …” Along comes a drunk and tells them, “Then take a bus!”
My friend Vito Vitkauskas wrote this Chicago joke that I used to use in my comedy routine: I once broke my arm in three places. Halsted, Lincoln, and Fullerton.
Ken Green, in today’s Sun-Times, wrote two funny haikus, or as he calls them, Chi-kus:
The CTA bus a very rare animal moves in packs of three
In my house we vote Even my uncle votes May he rest in peace
Here are some of the other jokes printed in the column:
How many Chicagoans does it take to park a car? Seven. One behind the wheel and six to rearrange the kitchen chairs.
Why is Chicago known as the city that works? Because whatever the problem–a parking ticket or a murder indictment–it can be fixed.
We all know why the chicken crossed the road, but why did the lady duck cross Walton Place? To get to the Drake.
I heard Mayor Daley has a plan to get crime off the streets. Yeah, he’s going to widen the sidewalks.
Chicago USA 