Once, soon after my son started getting into the latest cool music, according to his friends, my son asked me if I had ever heard of the rock band Kiss. He described the band before telling me the name because he just assumed that I had never heard of them. Not only that, but I also knew all their names. Wow! Was he in for a surprise!
I told him that not only had I heard of them, but that I also had all of their albums–on black vinyl, of course! He was shocked. I then proceeded to show him the Kiss albums and he was in awe of me. I truly believe my cool factor with him increased exponentially at that precise moment. Flattered by all this, I gave him all my Kiss albums. That nearly floored him. Then, I pulled the ace from up my sleeve: “I once went to a Kiss concert,” I told him. He was truly impressed by this. “And I can prove it, too!” I opened up the Kiss Alive album and pointed to a fan in the audience who resembled me when I was younger.
That was perhaps the coolest moment between my son and me! Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
The paper and ink newspaper as we know it is dying out. More people are reading the news on the Internet, including me. Newspaper deliveries are declining every year.
However, I still enjoy holding a hard copy of the newspaper. Besides, I enjoy crossword puzzles on paper rather than doing it on the computer. So, this morning, I walked to the corner coffee shop to buy either the Chicago Sun-Times or the Chicago Tribune after shoveling the snow from my sidewalks in 4-degree temperature.
Imagine my surprise when I saw that there were no more newspapers left at the coffee shop! I asked if they had already sold out. No! They were never delivered because of the cold temperatures and snow!
I remember when I was a boy and had a paper route, I always delivered the newspaper regardless of the weather! Once after a snowstorm, I wanted to ensure that all my customers received their newspapers, so I tied a cardboard box to my sled and went to pick up my newspapers at the branch office. All the other delivery boys laughed at me when they saw me pulling the sled. Even the owner of the delivery service laughed.
I rolled up my newspapers and placed them in the box on my sled. The other boys would deliver their papers using bikes and wagons as they usually did, or so they thought. Well, I delivered all my newspapers through about two feet of snow, even though it did take me a lot longer than usual. I was immensely proud of my idea of using a sled to deliver my newspapers even if everyone else laughed at me. The next day, when I went to the branch office to deliver the papers, all the other boys had brought a sled with them. I burst out laughing when I saw all the sleds! I couldn’t resist. Everyone complained about how they got stuck in the snow with their bikes and wagons. They took hours longer to make all their deliveries.
As I delivered the newspapers, I often fantasized about other things, the usual boyhood fantasies about cars and girls, in that order. I thought, if I were rich enough, I would deliver my newspapers from the back of my limousine. And, I wouldn’t even have to get out. I would have the chauffeur carefully place the newspaper between the screen door and door, but I would watch him vigilantly to ensure he delivered it properly. For the sake of variety, I thought that I would have seven limousines, so I could have a different color for each day of the week. This way I wouldn’t get bored. This was my favorite fantasy until my best friend Patrick pointed out that if I were rich enough to have a chauffeur and a limousine, let alone seven, I wouldn’t even need a paper route to earn some spending money.
Well, I didn’t do much of anything today to start out the new year on the wrong foot. But I haven’t broken any New Year’s resolutions either. Of course, the whole trick is not to make any resolutions at all.
Last year, I said that I would write a Blog entry each and every day of the year. Well, gentle reader, if you’ve been reading all along, you may have noticed some exceptionally long gaps between blog entries.
Sometimes I get too involved with my life that I forget about everything else. So, this year, I won’t promise anything, but now that I have adjusted to retirement, I will write more regularly. And I will work on my website some more. I really must organize it and put some actual content in there.
I have many fond memories of New Year’s Eve beginning in my childhood when our entire family would go to my Uncle Simon’s and Aunt Mari’s house. The party always involved eating a lot of Mexican food and real hard play among cousins. At midnight, everyone, I mean children, too, toasted with a glass of champagne. That was the only time of the year I drank alcohol–until I became an altar boy and my friend once talked me into taking a sip of altar wine before mass. But I only indulged that once because I felt so guilty and sinful afterwards.
Once, we were in Mexico for New Year’s Eve and we celebrated by making tamales and eating them. In Chicago, my mother made the masa during the day and then made buñuelos at midnight as a way of ringing in the new year. I think that New Year’s Eve wasn’t as exciting once we stopped going to my aunt’s and uncle’s house. I don’t really remember too many of those later celebrations now. When I was married, I was content to stay home with my wife and son and watch the festivities in Chicago on TV. When I lived in Bridgeport, I used to take my oldest son to the attic window at midnight where we could see the fireworks downtown. When the twins were born, we moved farther away from downtown, so we could no longer see the fireworks from the window. But we watched them on TV, although not quite as dramatic.
Later, after my divorce, my Mexicana girlfriend decided that we would make tamales for New Year’s Eve. She bought a giant pot for the tamales and lots and lots of masa. We would make tamales together, just the two of us. Actually, I enjoyed making the tamales. In Mexico, I only got to watch the women of the family make the tamales; males weren’t allowed to touch the masa. My girlfriend showed me how to mix the meat into the masa and stuff the masa into the corn husk. She had made tamales a few times and actually knew what she was doing. We even made some sweet tamales with raisins. We had about six different kinds of tamales. We literally did this for at least two hours and the giant pot was still only half-full. However, she insisted that we fill the pot all the way to the top. We filled the pot at about 3:00 a.m. And I was exhausted!
But wait! She put a penny at the bottom of the pot where there was boiling water to steam the tamales. The flame underneath had to be at just the right temperature and you could tell if the temperature was just right because the penny would keep making noise as the boiling water moved it. The only time I really saw tamales made was in Mexico as a boy, but my mother and aunts cooked the tamales over a bonfire.
Well, I went to bed about 6:00 a.m. because I couldn’t stay awake anymore. She stayed up to keep adding water and ensuring that the tamales cooked properly. I didn’t realize they would involve so much work. She woke me up a few hours later when they were done. She had stayed up the whole time! We then ate the tamales and they were so delicious! We ate them later that day. And the next day, too. There were so many tamales that she put some in her fridge and froze the some in her freezer. And there were still some tamales leftover! So I took some home and put them in my freezer. We ate tamales until the Fourth of July! And we never got tired of them. We loved them!
Driving in México has been my greatest, and perhaps most dangerous, accomplishment ever. I almost didn’t drive there after my cousin warned me that no driver obeys the rules of the road. However, I was due for an adventure since I do live a very boring life. As soon as I entered México, I noticed the driving difference immediately. In Nuevo Laredo, the streets were narrower and street venders were at every major intersection peddling their wares. Most lane markings were nonexistent. All the drivers accelerated quickly and stopped even faster when necessary. In Monterrey, I was fascinated by the different configuration of traffic signals. The green light flashes three times before it turns yellow. Then, there are two, count them, two red lights side by side. I honestly thought this meant that I should stop at the red light. Boy, was I wrong! All the cars behind me beeped at me until I drove through the red light.
As I was driving on the highway, I was fascinated by the road signs so much that I began to write them down as I drove. Of course, this made me swerve several times and once I almost drove off the edge of a cliff. I liked the fact that these white rectangular signs appeared on both sides of the road. In the U.S., whenever I need to read an important road sign, I usually can’t read it because it’s obstructed by a passing semi. Here are some of the signs that I saw while driving in México.
PONGASE VIVO USE EL CINTURON DE SEGURIDAD In México, it’s the law for front-seat passengers to wear seatbelts. I always wear my seatbelt anyway since I believe it has previously saved me from serious injury in my previous accidents.
GUARDE SU DISTANCIA Don’t tailgate. However, if you’re in the fast lane and you’re not driving way over the speed limit, drivers will rapidly approach your rear bumper flashing their left turn signal (that means they want to pass you) and you better move into the right lane!
DISMINUYA SU VELOCIDAD Reduce speed. This sign appears whenever approaching a town or tollbooth. However, no one actually slows down.
RESPETE LIMITE DE VELOCIDAD Obey the speed limit. I’m not sure why someone posted this sign along all the highways. No one obeys the speed limit and traffic enforcement is virtually nonexistent.
RESPETE EL SEÑALAMIENTO Obey road signs. Once again, I’m not sure why these signs are posted. I see these signs more as suggestions than anything else.
CUANDO TOME NO MANAJE If you drink, don’t drive. In general, everone was afraid to drink and drive because of the consequences if arrested for drinking and driving. Besides, no driver can survive the driving habits of other Mexican drivers even if they’re only slightly impaired.
MANEJE CON PRECAUCION Drive cautiously. That’s just a given for every driver. No one gets behind the wheel in México without dreading pulling into traffic. In fact, there are many Mexicans who don’t have a driver’s license simply because they’re afraid of the Mexican traffic.
OBEDEZCA LAS SEÑALES Obey signals. I think this another one of those signs that is more of a recommendation than anything else.
NO DEJE PIEDRAS SOBRE EL PAVIMIENTO Do not leave rocks on pavement. I really didn’t understand this sign at all. As I drove, I attempted to decode this mysterious sign to no avail. I finally asked one of my cousins who told me that sometimes drivers use rocks to prevent the car from rolling when changing a flat tire and then leave the rocks on the shoulder.
TRANSITO LENTO CARRIL DERECHO Slower traffic, keep right. But be careful because the right lane sometimes contains traffic that is inexplicably at a complete standstill.
CARRIL IZQUIERDO SOLO PARA REBAZAR Left lane for passing only. Even if you’re passing another vehicle and a faster vehicle comes along, you better get out of the way!
LO MEJOR DE TUS VACACIONES REGRESAR A TU CASA The best thing about your vacation, returning home. Of course, they don’t mention what condition your mental state will be in after driving among countless reckless drivers, in the Mexican mountains, on roads with little or no road markings, no median protection, or the complete lack of guardrails on the edges of cliffs with precipitous drops.
PISO MOJADO Wet pavement. Luckily, the streets were dry the whole time I was in México. Driving was challenging enough without complicating things with wet pavement.
UTILICE EL CINTURON DE SEGURIDAD Use your seatbelt. Most people put on their seatbelt willingly due to the driving conditions and risks involved rather than fear of the law.
CON NIEBLA DISMINUYA SU VELOCIDAD Slow down in fog. I didn’t actually see any fog, but I’m sure drivers will slow down with zero visibility. At least, I hope so.
CON NIEBLA ENCIENDA SUS LUCES Turn on lights in fog. I’ve driven in fog in California and I know that if you turn on your headlights you still can’t see what lies ahead. And if you turn on your high beams, you will be blinded. However, other drivers may see your taillights and avoid rear-ending you. At least, I always hoped so.
CONCEDA CAMBIO DE LUCES Dim your lights if someone flashes their brights at you. Okay, their was enough traffic on both sides of the highway after dark that it was impossible to use your brights. Oh, yes, those drivers who want to pass you will flash their brights at you at night if you’re in the left lane and not going at least 40 KPH over the speed limit.
NO MALTRATE LAS SEÑALES Do not damage the signs. All the road signs I saw were in good condition, unlike in America where some signs have shotgun pellet markings caused by some good ol’ boy.
NO DAÑE LAS SEÑALES Do not damage the signs. Again, but with different wording. These signs must work because all the road signs I saw were intact.
NO PRENDA FUEGO SOBRE EL PAVIMIENTO Do not light fires on pavement. I’m not sure what this sign means, since I didn’t actually see any fires on the road, I did, however, see people living on the side of the highway in makeshift shelters with fires in front and people tirelessly waving down drivers for money. Some drivers actually stopped and contributed.
NO CIRCULAR POR EL ACOTAMIENTO Do not drive on the shoulder. I find this sign incredibly amazing because on many sections of the highway there is no shoulder at all!
NO TIRE BASURA Do not litter. In general, drivers didn’t litter. There are plenty of garbage cans along the highway that are well-marked in advance for you to stop in time and dispose of your garbage. I only wished that the gas stations were also marked as well. I missed one gas station because no signs announced its location and I didn’t see it because it was behind the side of a mountain.
NO MANEJE CANSADO Do not drive tired. This sign is totally useless. If you drive for more than an hour in México, you will be tired. Most drivers were always alert.
TRAMO SINUOSO Winding road. This stretch of road was actually fun to drive if you didn’t look over the edge of the cliff for too long and imagine your horrific death.
CURVAS PELIGROSAS Dangerous curves. Take this sign seriously. They really do mean dangerous curves, especially since chances there won’t be any shoulder or guardrails to save you if you veer off the road.
FRENE CON MOTOR Brake with motor. In the U.S., the roads signs prohibit engine braking, but in México if you don’t, you’ll probably wear out your brakes before you get to your final destination.
VEHICULO SIN FRENOS SIGA LA LINEA ROJA Vehicles without brakes, follow the red line. So I’m driving in the lane with the red line go down a very steep incline and I’m constantly looking in the rearview mirror for runaway vehicles with no brakes. I felt safer when I drove in the other lane. The red line eventually leads the vehicle off the main highway to an adjacent road that rises sharply, presumably to slow the vehicle down, and ends with a steep cliff at the end. Pretty scary!
VIAJE CON SEGURIDAD Drive safely. You must multi-task while driving. The only way to drive safely in México is to drive defensively AND offensively simultaneously.
CEDA EL PASO Yield. You must always be prepared to yield–at any moment, on any stretch of the road. I thought I was about to run over a bicyclist who made a u-turn in front of me as I was driving 120 KPH. This only happened to me once since bicycles are prohibited on the highway.
NO CIRCULAR POR FAJA SEPARADORA CENTRAL Do not drive on the median strip. This sign is totally unnecessary. If anyone is foolish enough to drive on the median strip, they will total their car and/or kill themselves.
TUNEL PROXIMO ENCIENDA LUCES Approaching tunnel, turn on lights. And you better turn on your lights because the tunnel is very, very long if they actually post this sign. And, there are no lights in the tunnel other than your own!
To me the scariest part of driving through México was this godforsaken stretch of highway in the state of San Luis Potosí where not one single AM or FM radio station was broadcast. The horror, the horror! In summary, you will never forget driving in México, even if just as a passenger. On the one hand, Mexican drivers are reckless and don’t respect the driving laws. On the other hand, I didn’t witness even one accident the whole time I was in México.
Click here if you would like to see more driving vocabulary in Spanish:
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