I realized a long, long time ago that I was born to be a writer. Whenever I read a story in grade school, I often had questions about what the story meant and why the story was written that way. I especially loved the English composition assignments that required us to write about personal experiences. I loved those assignments even if we had to present them in front of the whole class. I was a shy boy who stuttered and spoke broken English with a Mexican accent, but once I wrote a masterpiece of an English composition assignment (in my humble oppinion), I wanted the whole world to hear it!

I also went through what I like to call my Russian phase when I read a lot of Russian novels. For months, I read nothing but Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Pasternak, and Chekhov. On those overcast, cold, rainy days, I would say to myself, “What moody and introspective day. Perfect for curling up with a samovar of tea and reading a Russian novel” while listening to Prokofiev.

However, I avoided Russian poetry because as a poet I was still in the “Roses are red, Violets are blue …” phase back then. I realized that the only way I would ever write the Great American Novel would be by imitating the Great Russian writers. So I transformed myself into David Diegovich Rodrigoevsky! (My mother actually playfully would tell her Polish friends that she was Carmen Rodrigowski and I followed suit when I became a Russian novelist. Now that I think of it, I have never met a Polish Carmen!) I began calling my girlfriend Catherine, Katya. When she offered me food, I would tell her, “Nyet! I have a novel to write!” and continue typing away on my electric typewriter. I tried writing with a quill, but the feather kept tickling my nose. Needless to say, I have yet to complete the Great American Novel. But I have lofty ambitions. J

I feel as if I have died and gone to heaven! I have finally retired from my job as a police officer after twenty years and twenty-two days. Let’s just say, I came, I saw, I retired. And I’m still young enough to enjoy my retirement. I’ve been very busy relaxing since my last day of work last month and it’s been taking up all my time. Retirement is a fulltime job!

Now that I no longer have to work for anyone else, I am free to fulfill my wildest dreams. I have already made my to-do list and let’s just say that I’m very ambitious. Make no small plans! Since I will have so much leisure time at my disposal, I have decided that I will write the Great American Novel, end world hunger, and cure cancer!

However, while I was driving, something occurred to me. How can I achieve all these lofty and noble goals without first upgrading my car speakers? As I drove, I remembered how I have postponed replacing a fried speaker in my car door for months. Once I have my tunes blasting again, I’ll be ready to work on my new projects. For the rest of my life.

The other day I was with my sons and their friends. And we were just whooping it up and having a good old time. We went to McDonald’s to eat, but we were all telling jokes and laughing a lot. We attracted the attention of everyone there. When people took a good look to see who those unruly kids were, they seemed incredibly surprised to see me with them. I felt like I was in the fourth grade again! That is, until we were driving home, and we passed another restaurant to which they all pointed and chanted, “Hooters, Hooters!” “We should’ve gone to Hooters!” one boy said. I had to immediately grow up and play Dad again. But deep down inside, emotionally I mean, I know I’m still a ten-year-old!

Well, in the tradition of my father who insisted on doing things himself, even if they often resulted in disaster, I have managed to get my Blog back online. I’m not sure how I managed, but I read the instructions and everything went as planned. Believe me, I was shocked! My father would be proud of me if he understood the Internet. From now on, I’m not tinkering with my blog. I’m leaving it alone. I mean except for writing new Blog entries.