Decadently delicious

Ice cream! I love ice cream! However, ice cream is contraband in my home. My wife doesn’t allow ice cream in the house. If she eats it and gains weight, it’s my fault. I, unfortunately, posted a video of me feeding ice cream to our dog Earl and my wife saw it. Now, she fat shames Earl. So, ice cream is no longer allowed in our home.

Since I was driving alone, I was eating ice cream on my road trip to visit my brother in Prescott, Arizona. I was enjoying two scoops of black cherry on a waffle cone while sitting on the bench outside the ice cream shop. A woman sat next to me on the bench, also enjoying her delicious ice cream. She confessed to me that she was enjoying savoring the ice cream away from her dog and her husband. I had found an accomplice! Partners in ice cream!

So, I also confessed. I told her how I had a secret stash of ice cream at home. Well, one night, about 2:00 A.M., I couldn’t sleep. So, I decided to self-medicate with ice cream. As I went to the fridge, I realized my dog Earl had followed me to the fridge. I knew better than to let Earl have any ice cream. So, I locked myself in the bathroom to eat my ice cream. I could hear Earl scratching at the door and whimpering for ice cream. But I knew better than to let Earl have any ice cream. Suddenly, I heard pounding on the door and my wife yelling, “Are you watching porn in there?” I was afraid to get in trouble, so I said, “Yes! I’m watching porn! It’s called, ‘Double Dip Delight!'”

It was good to the last lick!