Sonia Sotomayor

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor graduated Phi Beta Kappa, The Key Reporter, Fall 2009

We live in a politically correct age. So the media made a big deal when Sonia Sotomayor was nominated as a justice for the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS). She grew up in the public housing and she’s Puerto Rican. The media and politicians always love to point out whenever someone achieves some sort of prominence despite not being a white male (dead or alive) from the privileged class. In that regard, Sotomayor is an overachiever, wise Latina or not. And that’s why she graduated Phi Beta Kappa.

The name Sotomayor is Spanish name composed of two Spanish words: soto and mayor. Soto means thicket, grove, or copse. And mayor means the bigger one. Adjectives generally follow nouns in Spanish. With a name like Sotomayor, you know she has Hispanic heritage.

Chi Chi’s

Chi Chi's still exists in spirits form

Yes, I mean Chi Chi’s as in the restaurant and not chichis in Spanish as in … Well, you know what I’m referring to. That’s right, female breasts. In English, they would be boobs, boobies, etc. So I always wondered why the Puerto Rican golfer liked to be called Chichi Rodriguez–of course, I had a few unsavory ideas of my own. As a Mexican, I have to ask: Why would anyone name a restaurant Chi Chi’s if they don’t specialize in dairy products? So one day, I’m driving down LaGrange Road in Orland Park with my three sons and I notice that I’m rapidly approaching Chi Chi’s restaurant and I instinctively start thinking about chichis (in Spanish) and some of my female grade school classmates who had big chichis. The girls who envied them called the girls with the big chichis, chichonas. Suddenly, I remember that I’m driving in my minivan with my sons and we’re rapidly approaching Chi Chi’s. Since I’ve driven this way many times before, I know the restaurants in the area fairly well. I dread what is soon appearing. As soon as we’re in front of Chi Chi’s, we will be right across from Hooters! I feel so guilty about exposing my sons to this. I tell my sons not to look out the window. I’m embarrassed because I have my sons with me and I’ve been having impure thoughts about chichis. What kind of father am I?  I have brought my sons to this place where we have Chi Chi’s to the left of us and Hooters to the right! Of course, they’re too young to appreciate this cosmic moment.

¡Ay! ¡Pero que chichona eres!