Tag: dating

Renaissance Faire


Queen Elizabeth

I went to the Renaissance Faire in Bristol, Wisconsin, in August. I enjoy going every year because I love the entertainment and the ambience of the venue. I used to go with friends or family. I even went on a first date to the Ren Faire. There was no second date. I’ll explain later.

The last few years, I went alone. I couldn’t find anyone who would go with me. I really wanted to return to the Ren Faire, so I went alone. Why should I miss out on this great event just because no one will go with me? The people I asked to ge with me thought I was weird, or that the Ren Faire was weird. I enjoy watching all the shows and watching the spectators enjoy the show.

Some people enjoy dressing up in Renaissance costumes. Of course, there are a wide variety of other costumes from fantasy or science fiction movies. And no one there thinks it weird that people dress up in their favorite character. It’s truly a no judgment zone. I don’t dress up in a costume myself, but no one judges me for that, either. Nor for being there alone.

I have a comedian friend, Kyle, who had never been to the Ren Faire. He and another comedian, Jay, suggested we get a bunch of comedians together to go to a haunted house for Halloween. Since it was July, I recommended that we go the Ren Faire first. Neither one had been, nor had any idea what it was about. However, they did think it was weird that I suggested it as a group trip. They asked who I was going with. I had to admit I was going alone. Because no one else was interested in going with me. Later in the summer, he asked me if I went to the Ren Faire, and I told him I did. For the past three years, he has asked me if I went, and I always answer yes. This year, Kyle saw me after I went to the Ren Faire. He told me, “I went to the Renaissance Faire this weekend. It was cool!” I was very surprised.

Regarding my going on a first date to the Ren Faire, my date Natalie and I, on our first and only date, went to the Ren Faire on a very hot summer July day. At first, I thought we would hit it off. But then she was too critical of everyone there. Things were progressing poorly until they got worse. That occurred when me met a man dressed as a Viking. Perhaps, “dressed” is the wrong word because he honestly believed he was a real Viking. Or perhaps he was an excellent actor. Well, my date, Natalie, if that was her real name I’ll never know, started critiquing his outfit, saying he shouldn’t have a squirrel pelt as part of his apparel. She also lambasted him for not being able to speak the Viking language, which not one of the three of say with certainty what language a Viking would speak. We continued speaking in English for the rest of the conversation. She ended our chat by telling the Viking that he wasn’t authentic enough, which offended him greatly. So much so, that he temporarily unsheathed his sword.

We left shortly after that. We agreed to call each other for a second date, but neither of us called the other. After that, I now go to the Renaissance Faire alone.

caricature of author end of post
DDR

House cleansing


My humble abode!

Imagine that you were in a relationship for a long time. Then, you break up. Somehow over the course of that relationship you accumulated many objects that represent that relationship, not to mention all that emotional baggage that you’ll always lug along.

Now, you’re in a new relationship and you want to invite her to your house. But wait! Don’t do it! Not right away.

First, you have to do a house cleansing. You know that you have to remove all traces of any previous female in your life. The most obvious of all: all the pictures that show you with your ex. No girly things are allowed to remain. So get rid of the seat cushions on the kitchen chairs and the place mats on the kitchen table. Because no real man buys seat cushions and place mats of his own free will.

The magnetic shopping list on the fridge. Gone! Because a new girlfriend won’t believe that a man actually makes a grocery list all by himself. And while you’re at it, get rid of the fuzzy toilet seat cover. That’s a girl thing. Because if your new girlfriend finds something that your ex-girlfriend gave you and you kept it… You’re in big trouble!

Jealousy is retroactive! Men, don’t you ever forget that! Remove the bra hanging from your rearview mirror. The panties from your lampshade. The empty condom wrappers in you bedroom wastebasket. Woman notice these little things.

You have been forewarned! Go now and begin anew!

DDR

Man date


 

Men mourning a breakup

Man date. Sometimes you are the giver and sometimes you are the receiver. But this is one date to avoid if at all possible. I’m not talking about one man going out with a male friend to see a movie and there are plenty of seats to leave an empty one between you, so no one thinks that “you’re together” as in you two are an item–if you know what I mean.

I’m talking about you buying two tickets to a concert for a singer or band that only your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife would want to see. And you bought the tickets because you wanted to make her happy, for at least one night. But for some unexplained reason, she no longer wants to go to the concert with you. It could be for any number of reasons. She has a headache, she just doesn’t want to go to the concert anymore, or she broke up with you.  So now you have two concert tickets for which you paid good money! You can’t sell them at such short notice, so you call around and finally find a friend who is desperate enough to go to this concert with you because … well, just because.

No real man will admit he wants to go to a concert with you. So, you go to this concert with your friend because he once took you on a man date when his girlfriend dumped him and he had two tickets to Sting, but you feel guilty tonight because you’re only taking him to see Barry Manilow. You see the concert and make the best of an unpleasant situation. Unfortunately, you have assigned seating and you two must sit right next to each other.

You’re driving home and you realize that this wasn’t so bad after all. But then you wonder, should I take him straight home? Will he be offended if I do? Should I take him out for a drink and then take him home? Will I look desperate if I just drive him to a bar without asking him if he wants a drink? All I want to do is talk about my female problems. But he also has female problems, or he wouldn’t have gone to a Barry Manilow concert with you! Instead, you drive him straight home without saying a word. He doesn’t say anything either as he leaves the car. Both of you secretly hope that you’ll never have to go on a man date ever again!

DDR