Tag: Comedy

F.M. & A.M.


George Carlin / F.M. & A.M. (1972)

I love standup comedy and standup comedians. One of my all-time favorites is George Carlin. I saw him on TV many times as a pre-teen and a teenager. When I was in high school, I bought his F.M. & A.M. album. I listened to it so many times that the sound quality was compromised. When my friends would visit, I would play it for them. And, when I visited friends, I would take the album to their home so we could listen to it. We never tired of listening to it. In fact, we could recite many of his comedy bits from memory.

One day, as we were listening to the album, my friend Bill asked to see the album cover. He started reading from the back of the album. I had never noticed the text that he was reading before. Around the picture of George Carlin on the back cover, in tiny little text, were the sayings that Bill was reading. We laughed at these sayings as he read them. They were a surprise bonus to the album. Why had I never noticed them before?

Well, a few months ago, a Facebook friend of mine bought this album at a vintage record store. Suddenly, I remembered the sayings on the back of Carlin’s album. No one I knew had ever mentioned those sayings before. Suddenly, I had this urge to read those sayings again. I had looked for a picture of the back album cover over the years so I could read them again. Unsuccessfully.

I asked my friend Jim if he happened to have this album. He has quite a collection of comedy albums. In fact, when he went to college, he introduced me to Bob Newhart and other comics I had never heard of. Anyway, Jim did not have this album in his collection. He had listened to this album with me several times, at my house and his. But he did find it listed on eBaya and he sent me the link. I was not interested in buying the vinyl LP again. In fact, ever since I got rid of my vinyl collection of albums, I have not had the urge to buy more vinyl LPs, even though they are now trending.

Well, I copied down the sayings on the back album cover and I have reprinted them here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

  • Nixon is soft on fascism.
  • The gross national product is gross.
  • Elephantiasis does not improve the memory.
  • Mothers’ milk lead to heroin.
  • If you break a crumb in half, you have two crumbs.
  • When stepping on the brake, your life is in your foot’s hands.
  • The U.S. Plywood building is made of steel and stone.
  • There are no two dandruff flakes alike.
  • Beer nuts is the official disease of Milwaukee.
  • Everyone over 110 is out of work.
  • Rose Kennedy wears a natural.
  • The Vatican police speak Pig Latin.
  • Recycle confetti.
  • No two ways about it, there are two sides to every story.
  • Edward Cayce was not a medium. He was an extra-large.
  • Give a Shriner a shiner.
  • Ralph Nader passes on the right.
  • The Vietnam War is alive and well and living in Laos.
  • An octoroon is an eight-sided cookie.
  • It takes two dwarves to mail a letter.
  • A car raising contest is a jack-off.
  • Hire the handicapped, but don’t let them take your rectal temperature.
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DDR

My 401K is now a 301K


My Facebook Post

I was very worried about the stock market going down, so I posted, “My 401K is now a 301K” on Facebook on Wednesday, March 12, 2025. The other night, on Wednesday, April 9, 2025, I heard Jimmy Kimmel tell my joke on his show. All I am saying is the I said it first.

Presently, everyone is worried about their retirement savings, so many people are worried about their investments. I’m sure I’m not the only one who had this feeling of financial discomfort.

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DDR

Famous comedians I have seen in person


Yakov Smirnoff and DDR in Branson, MIssouri

Since I was in grade school, I have wanted to be a standup comedian. (Many comedians I know have told me the same thing.) So, since I was little, I have been watching comedians, mostly on TV and in the movies. When I was older and I started working, I began going to watch comedians perform in person. I enjoy watching comedians much more than I enjoy performing. But when I perform at my local comedy clubs, I get to see many comedians.

Emo Philips, Jim Harmon, and DDR in Mason City, Illiois

Here is a list of the famous comedians I have seen in person:

(in alphabetical order by last name)

• Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick
• Frank Caliendo
• John Caponera
• Bill Cosby
• Tom Dreesen
• Gallagher
• Greg Glienna
• Jay Leno
• Robert Klein
• Eddie Murphy
• Emo Philips
• Yakov Smirnov
• Judy Tenuta
• Carrot Top
• Henny Youngman

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DDR

Clean Comedy Challenge


StarDome, Hoover, Alabama

Last week, I participated in the 2024 Clean Comedy Challenge. I didn’t win or even make it to the top five finalists, but I felt like a winner just participating. Thirty-four standup comics entered the contest, so the competition was very tough. I loved performing in this competition because the audience was there to enjoy the show. And when the comedians didn’t perform, they watched the rest of us comics.

What I loved most about this challenge was meeting other comics who love performing. Even though we all came from different walks of life, our common denominator was comedy. I felt extremely comfortable talking to everyone.

All the standup comics and judges

I love taking road trips, so traveling to Alabama for the first time was a new adventure that I really enjoyed. Last year, the Clean Comedy Challenge took place in Cranston, Rhode Island, and I also enjoyed that road trip because I had never been to Rhode Island. I plan to attend again next year, wherever it takes place. Hopefully, someplace I have never been.

DDR

John Cleese


John Cleese at the Vic Theater, Chicago, Illinois

I had one last chance to see John Cleese before he died. I hope I don’t sound rude and obnoxious, but that’s how John Cleese billed his show at The Vic that I saw on Thursday, June 13, 2024. He was very entertaining even when referring to his impending mortality.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from his performance. After I bought the tickets, I read that sometimes John Cleese showed the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the end. Well, I could watch the movie on my own if I wanted to see it since I own it on DVD along with other Monty Python shows and movies.

Instead, John explained some of the background to their shows and movies, which was very entertaining. He explained how the family name had actually been Cheese, but his grandfather (or maybe it was his great grandfather) decided to change the family name to Cleese (but it rhymed with cheese).

I really enjoyed the show! He showed clips from previous TV shows. He also told some politically incorrect jokes, which the audience loved. When you’re old you can get away with such humor. Plus, the audience consisted of diehard Monty Python fans who were accustomed to such humor. Some of those offensive jokes were very funny and the audience roared with laughter. I know you would like to hear a few of those jokes, but I dare not repeat them.

Whether or not John Cleese will die now that I have seen him, remains doubtful. I’m sure I’ll cry, “False advertising!” when goes on tour again. We shall see.

DDR