Category: Chicago

Anything and everything about my beloved, fair city of Chicago.

95.1 degrees


That’s close enough to 98.6

What is the normal body temperature? 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Right? Well, I’m not always normal. At least that’s what I learned when I was transferred to Camp Pendleton, California, and I went to the medical section. My temperature was 95.1 degrees.

In the United States Marine Corps, we had to have a physical exam every time we were transferred. I was examined many times by doctors and nurses since the first day I enlisted. We were examined before we left Chicago for boot camp. Then we were examined when we arrived at boot camp. Then we continuously went to the medical section to get a battery of vaccines in case we were ever deployed overseas. I was examined again when I arrived in 29 Palms, California, in the middle of the Mohave Desert.

When I was in the Marines (1978-1981), I went boot camp at MCRD San Diego California. Then I was stationed at 29 Palms in the middle of the Mohave Desert for one year while I attended electronics school. Needless to say, the weather is “warm” year-round. I was surprised to learn that I would be stationed in the middle of the Mohave Desert to train for electronics repair. 29 Palms in the desert does not sound extremely exciting, even if they said there was a girl behind every tree. Plus, there weren’t many trees at the base!

I was stationed there for about one year while I studied for my MOS of 28 something or other–I can’t recall the rest of the number now. I learned electronics and how to repair the field radio PRC-77. There wasn’t much entertainment on base, and daylight hours were usually hot. You know how they say, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”? Well, when it’s 120 degrees, it’s extremely hot even without the humidity! And they had heat warnings with different colored flags. The only one I remember is the Black Flag: Do not go outside for anything!

Luckily, I enjoyed reading and running. So, when I wasn’t in class or studying for class, I would read or run a lot. I also started writing regularly. I had started running in high with the cross country team. I wasn’t very fast and I didn’t have much long-distance endurance, but I really enjoyed running! Since I arrived at base in December, the temperaure was usually in the 90s when I went running. I ran six miles almost everyday, which was the distance I ran before going to boot camp. As the thermometer continued to climb, I kept running, acclimating to the heat. Almost everyone thought I was crazy for running, not just because of the heat, but also because no one required that we run. So I kept running even with the Black Flag warning. The runs were challenging and I did have to drink a lot of water afterward. I was so proud of myslef because I was the only runner–strike that–the only living being outside in the sun in the afternoon. I though I had acclimated exceptionally well to the desert and its heat.

One day, on one of my runs, I felt like I was running in slow motion, but I completed my six miles anyway. When I returned to the barracks, I drank water from the water cooler repeatedly for about ten minutes. I felt very dehydrated, I must have drunk about a gallon. One of my fellow Marines saw me drinking water, and asked me, “You didn’t go running today, did you?” I nodded my head yes. He said, “Are you crazy? Today the Mohave Desert broke the record for the hottest day. Death Valley Desert did, too!” No wonder I felt hot!

So, when the medical section at Camp Pendleton is shocked that my temperature is 95.1 degrees, they ask me how I feel. I tell them that I feel fine, but they don’t seem convinced. They take my vitals again. My temperature is still 95.1. “Did you drink cold water recently?” the nurse asked. “No,” I replied. They asked a lot of questions about how I felt at the moment asked me questions about my family’s health history. They were mistified.

The nurse made a few phone calls about my “condition,” but I couldn’t make out the whole conversation. Previously, when I tried to posit my theory as to why my temperature was so low, they cut me off. They were the medical experts! They asked me if I was trying to get a medical discharge. Of course, not!

Finally, about thirty minutes later, they took my temperature again. 95.1 degrees! “Why do you think your temperature is so low?” they finally asked. They had no explanation. I explained that I had lived in the Mohave Desert for the last year and that I had acclimated to the desert heat very well. They just shook their heads. I told them that I had run six miles almost everyday for the last year, no matter how hot it was. That sounded impossible to them.

They made a few more phone calls. They wrote some notes in my medical folder. Finally, they told me, “Go back to your unit.” The ordeal made me question what is normal? No one has ever accused me of being normal. Whatever that is.

DDR

Bob Dylan for President


Nobel Gold Medal

We need an intelligent president. We should raise the qualifications to run for President of the United States of America. All we need to do is add one more criterion. All candidates must have won the Nobel Prize. Nobel Prize winners are intelligent. We have so many American Nobelists who are scientists and economists. I’m sure any Nobel Prize winner would make a great president.

I would nominate Bob Dylan, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature in 2016. He would be prepared to answer any question.

“Why should we vote for a musician?”

“The times they are a-changin’.”

“How does the campaign trail make you feel?”

“Like a rollin’ stone.”

“How unhealthy is our air quality?”

“The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.”

“And what do you think of our current president’s direction?”

“Knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door.”

“What would you say to personal attacks by a female politician?”

“Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big brass bed.”

“When you win the election, what will you tell your supporters?”

“We did it! Everybody must get stoned!”

DDR

Still Not Friday


December 15, 2022

I was asked to do standup comedy at the Two Brothers Roundhouse. This is quite an accomplishment for me. After three years of my comedy comeback, I am improving. I don’t feel as nervous as when I first started, even though people tell me I look very nervous.

I enjoy performing and hearing laughter. Sometimes, people approach me after a show and tell me that they really like my act. I always say, “Thank you!” because I really love the recognition. I hope to keep improving.

When I started back up, I told myself that I would that I would keep going to open mics even if I never progressed beyond the open mic level. I am now one notch above the open mic level. And I’m starting to feel more comfortable on stage.

The first few times I tried to make a comeback, I was so nervous that I chickened out. Then, I told myself, “Just go see an open mic.” Even just watching the show I felt the looming stagefright knowing that I would soon perform. One open mic I went to observe, they offered to waive my cover charge if I would perform. I was to scared to accept. Once the show began and saw some of the first-timers, I knew I had made the right decision.

The next week, I go to the same comedy club with the firm belief that I will go on stage for the open mic. I tell them at the ticket office that I will perform, and they let me in without paying the cover charge. Well, just my luck, now that I’m ready to perform, the emcee announces that the open mic is cancelled because that weekend’s headliner showed up early and wants to try out some new material. In a way, I was disappointed. But on the other hand, I was relieved and no longer nervous as I watched the headliner.

That was too bad because it took me another ten years to attempt another open mic!

DDR

Byer’s Brewery


I performed on Saturday, November 5th, 2022, at Byer’s Brewery in DeKalb, Illinois. The stage was in the storefront of the brewery and you could see cars on the street behind the performer. The traffic was very distracting. The audience consisted of college students from Northern Illinois University. They did not laugh that much and any of the comedians. The most important thing was that we all got that much needed stage time.

DDR