Dave the Obscure

I love reading. Especially now that I’m older and have plenty of time to read. I even read candy wrappers lying on the floor.

In grade school, I enjoyed reading in the first and second grades since the sentences were usually two or three words long and the books were very short. Later, I loved reading when the class took turns reading aloud. I remember we read Washington Irving, Hans Christian Andersen, and Mak Twain. I can honestly say that I enjoyed the readings and still partially remember Ichabod Crane, the skaters on the frozen Dutch canals, and the celebrated jumping frog of Calaveras County.

Other than comic books, I didn’t do much reading outside of class. But I did buy books from the Scholastic Book Club through school. The only book I remember buying was Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy in the seventh grade. I liked the book cover artwork and the title intrigued me. However, I didn’t actually read it then, but I kept it along with my other prized possessions. Although I did willingly read two books that I borrowed via U.S. mail from Divine Heart Seminary when I was in the eighth grade: Fighting Father Duffy and Father Damien. This was the seminary’s recruiting tool. Father Duffy was a World War II chaplain and Father Damien was a missionary who worked with lepers.

In high school, I never read any of the assigned readings. I was an unhappy teenage student because I was not allowed to attend the high school of my choice. I refused to read anything for homework. My freshman year of high school, Mrs. Shaefer kept after class to tell me that I had to start reading the class texts. I found the class discussions interesting, but not interesting enough to motivate me to read Hemingway, Fitzgerald, or Steinbeck.

I remember my junior year we were assigned to read Macbeth for homework. Of course, I refused to read it. However, the teacher held captivating discussions about the play and William Shakespeare. I was almost tempted to read Macbeth. Then, she announced that we were going on a field trip to see the movie version of Macbeth. Luckily, I was able to follow the storyline thanks to the class discussions. I really enjoyed the movie. I still think of it from time to time. In fact, I have read and re-read Macbeth several times since high school.

So, I didn’t read any assignments in high school, not even Macbeth. I came oh so close to reading Macbeth on my own. It would be years before I finally read it. I didn’t do much homework once I turned eighteen and started working at Derby Foods making Peter Pan peanut butter. I eventually dropped out of high school because I couldn’t manage working the midnight shift and attending classes right after work.

Plus, my high school counselor would not allow me to take the ACT or SAT exams required to apply to universities. He told me I wasn’t smart enough and i would only be wasting my time. Looking back now, I realize that this was a blatant case of racial discrimination. The counselor asked me how I planned to pay for college tuition. I didn’t know. When I told my mother that I wanted to go to college, but that the counselor wouldn’t let me take the college exams, she asked me how I planned to pay for tuition. I didn’t know. My mother also told me, “You already have a job! You don’t need to go to college.” So, I continued working my factory job. I was in the class of 1974, and the class of 1975, and the class of 1976. And I eventually dropped out.

The next year, my friends Jim, Ted, and Nick needed a ride to check out some potential universities they could attend. The had made appointments at Bradley University, University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, and the University of Chicago. Since I was still working a factory job, I had a new car and was able to take them to several universities in Illinois. I worked the midnight shift then, I was free in the day time to take them. I got by on very little sleep back then.

On the way there, they wondered how they would pay for college tuition. I wondered, too. Well, each university counselor told them not to worry about tuition. If they were accepted, the money would come from somewhere in the form of student loans, scholarships, or grants. No one ever told me about student loans, scholarships, or grants. Why did they provide my friends with this useful information and not me? Well, I forgot to mention that they were white and I was Mexican.

So, I didn’t go to college and continued working in the peanut butter factory. I always felt embarrassed about being a high school dropout. Therefore, I decided to educate myself. By reading. Reading all the books I was supposed to read in high school. So, I read Steinbeck, Hemingway, and many other assigned readings that were long overdue. Eventually, I came across my old copy of Far from the Madding Crowd. It felt rather thick and intimidating, but I was determined to educate myself by reading. I continued reading over the years. If I liked an author, I would attempt to read all their books. This included: Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Kurt Vonnegut, Herman Hesse, J.D. Salinger, and yes, also Thomas Hardy. Lest we forget, Thomas Hardy coined the phrase, “Lest we forget.”

I decided to educate myself by reading. In the Marines, I bought the Great Books from Encyclopedia Britannica and read them all. I read voraciously. Eventually, I came full circle to Thomas Hardy. I planned to read all his books. They were all very moving, uplifting, and depressing all at once. However, the one book that really seemed to be about me was Jude the Obscure! The protagonist, due to his social circumstances, never obtained a formal university education. Just like me! So, he decided to educate himself by reading and studying books on his own. Just like me!

Spoiler alert! Jude Fawley does educate himself, but he never succeeds without a formal university degree. I found myself in a similar situation when I applied for the position of running coach at a university. I had all the necessary qualifications to coach, but without a university degree, I would not make a good role model for the students. And I was a published writer at the time. All for naught!

Well, I was finally able to get a formal university education with several degrees all they up to and including my Ph.D. The tragedy of Jude Fawley inspired me to go back to school. Every time I read Jude the Obscure, I recall my factory days reading books while I was on break. I realize now that I was also the victim of the social class barriers. Just like Jude Fawley.